The idea for this website was born in October 2012, when in reconnecting to my dreams I realized I wanted to have my personal online space with all the different creative works I would engage in: in music, in photography, and in writing. A few months later, I joined an online course which demonstrated me a power of community, of being surrounded by people who believe in you and root for you in achieving your dreams. Thus, in May 2013 I started to build this website, with my first steps in registering a domain name, buying a hosting space, and installing a WordPress…
I was spending an evening in the warm company of my dear friend Megan, and she asked me to tell a story in Russian (which is considered to be my native language).
For some reason, it was very hard to start. First of all, in a strange way I don’t have many stories running in my mind… But as I think now, there was an element of vulnerability…
Would I like to achieve all my dreams but feel pressured the whole time I do it, or would I rather live a life of deep feeling and contentment with whatever I am to achieve?
This is a tricky question, because it is essentially pointing to a very common misunderstanding that causes so much pain and suffering for people.
I have found this list of questions on a blog of my close friend… And decided that giving my own answers would be a much better response than commenting on hers…
Here are the questions:
- What achievements matter to you?
- What would you like to be doing one year from now? Five years from now?
- What would you do with your life if you were a billionaire?
- What takes up a lot of your time but is neither unavoidable, rewarding or enjoyable?
- What would you like to do more of?
- What motivates you to do something well?
- What makes you frustrated, bored and unfulfilled?
It has been more than two weeks since I first started to draft this series… There is a certain value in finding appropriate words for my feelings and in putting my thoughts out in writing. But even bigger value comes from the breaks and from preparing the parts for publication, re-reading them after few days, returning to the ideas at different moments, while being in different places and different states of mind. Re-evaluating my memories, but even more attemping to understand how new knowledge, new insights can influence my present and future….
I mentioned my problems with self-love in part 3 and used word “karma” in connection with my experiences in the year 2007 and beyond… Last Friday, I attended a meditation event where the topic of karma was discussed in detail from the Buddhism perspective… Which kind of brings everything together. After that meditation event, I spent an evening at the Elbe, reflecting on what it all means for me… As I am starting to write this post, I am still not sure of what I am going to write, but I am curious to discover…
In the previous part, I mentioned the strong and heavy desire which easily grows from a combination of visual attractiveness of a girl, her positive attention to me, and my feelings of existential loneliness. The pain of the love relationships that were built on this foundation lied in the fact that this desire, indeed, used to be very heavy for those whom I loved. But to get to the core, I probably have to go to the very beginning…