I have been contemplating life this evening…
A coach had given me a questionnaire about me, my life, my goals. Answering the questions and submitting back the answers left me with a feeling of incompleteness. Something seemed missing. Something was not fitting. Having no other urgent distractors, I was reflecting on my answers and related things. Exploring various aspects of my life experience, awareness, knowledge, trying out new combinations.
Among other things, I remembered the Law of Attraction, as detailed in the Teachings of Abraham. I remembered how Abraham recommend not to give attention to displeasing parts of “reality”, while nurturing our visions and our desires. “Wouldn’t it be great”, I thought, “if we were taught in families and schools, how to focus on the desired outcomes”. Because it is true, many people focus so much on what’s wrong, what’s not working, that their attention ignores the presence of the things they actually want. People who feel lonely often radiate sadness and stare at the floor, avoiding eye contact and repelling those who might be interested in connecting with them. Dissatisfied people get irritated and angry about cheerful ones. The ones with the highest chances to get the smile from a stranger… are those who believe in kindness of others and who are first to share a smile with a stranger.
I thought that this might be the one of the most important learnings each of us needs to do in life: learn to see the desired things in the world around us. We need to allow these things to become a part of our experience, and not only a placeholder in our thoughts.
Thinking on about my own loneliness, I turned to the mythical “very close friend” for whom I have been searching for quite some time without much success. Bringing together a few the pieces of my awareness gained over the last months, I realized that this person… is me.
Surprise-surprise! That person has been here, inside. While I was looking for a person “out there” with all of these wanted qualities and attitudes. I have been deeming the one inside me unimportant, habitually dismissing him.
Can I now take this realization and put it into practice? Let’s see.
I guess, one of the most prominent changes caused by the light of this insight (insight = a new thought) is that I can let go of the old broken story. Of the pessimistic, self-rejecting, depressing thoughts, like “Nobody cares”, “Nobody listens to me”, “Nobody understands me”, “Nobody wants my art”, etc. Those thoughts are false. They are a lie. Because I do care. I listen, or at least do my best, and when I listen, I understand. And, best of all, I truly want my art: I am eager to listen to my music, to visit my own photo-exhibition, or to read my stories sharing my life lessons.
I care about my art. Together with joyfully anticipating its creation, I also have sad moments when realizing I don’t have a camera with me to capture how I discover the world, or when not writing down the potential music ideas from my improvisations or my head.
Overall, I am my own most devoted and committed fan and follower: I believe that I can “make it”, and I know that I really, really want to make it. I love myself. I am all-in for myself. I am the one who is always available for me, ready to give his undivided attention and to devote his efforts to helping me make it. Blindly, I was not accepting these efforts. I was not giving myself enough chances to actively support me.
I hope to become more open to myself from now on.
It always takes “just one insignt” to bring the feeling “nothing has changed (yet), but everything is different”… all over again. Self-development and growing one’s awareness are just like going round in circles. With a certain distinction: when you return to the starting point, each time you see and understand much more than the previous time.
However, this journey never ends. We can never get it done…
Enjoy the moment ;)