The word “love” has been changing its meaning and power for myself over the years. First, it was just a sign of my preference (e.g. I love french fries). Then, it was a word for the intimate feeling of romantic desire (what I learned to call “in love” later). And then, it became something much bigger than an individual or a group of people. It became a spiritual expression telling that something is really valuable and precious for me (e.g. Hamburg, or the overdriven e-guitar music). Almost synonymous to true appreciation and deep gratitude. Something from the core which I have discovered and have been opening up over the last year.
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After going through the Desire Map Experience, I discovered LOVE to be one of my core desired feelings (all 5 CDFs: LOVE, ALIVE, SHINING, EASY, WHOLE). First I though that the right feeling would be IN LOVE, because when I get to experience the “in love” feeling, it simultaneously inspires and motivates me, it does both pull me and push me to go full in, to do more, to be a better person and strive to act for the greater causes and engage in bigger challenges.
But then, Danielle stressed the aspect of small details on the example of LOVED vs. LOVING vs. LOVE: the first feels a bit contracted and dependent on the actions and words of others, the second keeps being tied into active expressions, while LOVE is an actual feeling that is expansive and free, and no strings attached. I tried exploring those myself, and I saw that these attached strings (see previous paragraph) of IN LOVE are not what I really wanted to feel. I really just want to feel LOVE. That appreciation and gratitude for the people, the things, the events that come to my life, as well as the activities that I get to be involved in and experiences that I encounter on my path.
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Since the start of Live Your Legend LOCAL and me becoming a leader of the groups in Bremen and Hamburg, this realization that I now have a few more people that I could care about made me expand and grow inside. This is all about LOVE. To these people, to their dreams and aspirations, to their unique life stories and their unique ways of going after what they want to go after. About understanding their unique contexts and helping them to overcome their unique limitations. LOVE embraces it all.
However, I see that in Live Your Legend LOCAL I care and support people in WHAT THEY DO, in Desire Map Book Club I care and support people in HOW THEY FEEL, but what about the essence? Knowing what my friends are going after, how they feel on their paths and if there is something I could help them with seems to be the core part of my connections with them. But what has been troubling me is whether I truly care about WHO THEY ARE. I don’t know the answer, and I don’t know if it is possible to care about others in this area. After all, this is what our UNIQUE LIFE is all about. I am who I am, thus I am living this life of mine. They are who they are, and thus they have their own lives. I am not sure if it even reasonable to try to CARE about who they are.
However, what I clearly understood over the past month is that I LOVE my friends exactly for WHO THEY ARE and not for what they do or how they feel. As I mentioned at the beginning, LOVE for me now is in the realm of the spirit, of the deepest self and not only of the heart (though it might be embracing both, if not all four dimensions of body-mind-heart-spirit model), and this is what my LOVE wants to be like: appreciating the essence of others. Because it is their essence that lies in the foundation and defines what they want to achieve and how they would like to go after it, as well as how they would feel on their path. And the latter does not have to always be good. I believe that the life wants us to learn many lessons, and for some of us the only way to really learn these lessons is to try many “wrong” things, to fail multiple times, and to feel “bad” about it (these words in quotes are just labels, after all). Only through the “negative” experiences some of us can really embody their deepest desires and learn to follow their own true ways of going after those things.
I also think that my LOVE for the essence of people is connected to my belief that we cannot force anyone to change unless they want to (or ready to accept the change as a necessity). Focusing the love on the actions or feelings of others would be pushing me into trying to “help” them to follow the most effective ways that I could see for them, or to strive for the feelings I thought would be better for them to feel. But their paths are unique. Again, they might need to do the things they do “wrong” and to feel “bad” to get to really get to where they want to be.
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For me, the life is all about love. LOVE for the essence of others helps me to CARE about their feelings and actions. That enables me to go into the next phase: resonance. It is when I resonate with the essence of others, with their core values, with their thoughts and beliefs and their ways of going after things, only then I can be full-in there for them, to give everything I have to give and to support them as much as I can.
But it all starts with LOVE and acceptance of anything they have to offer, of anything they value, of any belief they hold at this moment, and any way they are currently following towards their dreams, desires and aspirations.
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What is the life about for YOU? Please share with us in the comments.
Comments
This is truly a LOVELY post, Lik. You are really expanding beyond borders of thought and graduating beyond fears. I appreciate your openness in your journey, your loving curiosity towards your friends, and, of course, your love and friendship. You’re an amazing human being who is going to do great things for humanity – “what’s not to love?” ;)
I LOVE this peace :)
For me, love & compassion & acceptance of others isn’t the hard part because I always feel AMAZED how countless human different lives and wa of expressing their being alive can be.
Right now, the hard part is love & compassion & acceptance (and patience!) for myself.
I like your perspective of love, Lik.
For me, I began to really feel this love when I began my personal growth blog. I’ve made so many wonderful connections with people who are motivated to improve the lives of others and themselves too. In that process, I’ve realised how much help I could actually offer out to people. And time and again, I see encouraging words flying around that just spur each other on. It’s really been a blessed journey of about 9 weeks for me.
“we cannot force anyone to change unless they want to.” ==> I think with regards to this, I try not to do it at all, unless something is really disturbing. You’re right after all, people do need to experience shit, and learn to get out of it. When I extend my help to others, it is often in the form of a service. Something that I know they will want my help with, and not something only I THINK they need help with.
But I think I can understand where you’re coming from when you say “what has been troubling me is whether I truly care about WHO THEY ARE.” I don’t have that kind of energy to be doing that with everyone I meet. I’d rather save that for the people closest to me. I can still show my love for the people around me in many ways.
Maybe people in the communal blogosphere start reading one another’s minds without words? I seriously was working on a similar post and now reading your expression of the same topic makes me want to rewrite! I love how you share your awakenings in a way that allows readers to reflect on their own thought process. When you say “appreciating the essence of others” this feels like the perfect definition of unconditional love, which I have come to believe is what each and every human soul craves far more than any other form of love. When it crosses over into physical love and “in love” with an individual it is not much without the unconditional love first.
I also want to write and think about how unconditional love can be fostered inside the heart for all creation – not just human. We are so accustomed to thinking of “us” (human) and “them” (rest of creation), but we are as dependent on each bacteria cell that lives in our guts for survival as anything else.
Is Valentine’s Day celebrated in Europe in the mad commercial way it is in the US? Each year it has been my least favorite holiday because I have a lot of emotional baggage associated with it. . . bad experiences, so this year I intend to turn it around for myself with a big blast of unconditional love for myself! : )
Lik, great post. Thanks for sharing. For me life is all about being free to enjoy each moment doing things we care about. It’s easy to sabotage yourself by feeling trapped in a job you hate, or getting stuck in the story line in your own head. It’s easy to forget to live each moment instead going floating through life on autopilot. My life is about living as many moments as possible my way and helping others do the same. Since finances seem to be most people’s biggest hurdle to making this happen, I like to focus on solving the job/money part of living a purposeful life.
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