The word “love” has been changing its meaning and power for myself over the years. First, it was just a sign of my preference (e.g. I love french fries). Then, it was a word for the intimate feeling of romantic desire (what I learned to call “in love” later). And then, it became something much bigger than an individual or a group of people. It became a spiritual expression telling that something is really valuable and precious for me (e.g. Hamburg, or the overdriven e-guitar music). Almost synonymous to true appreciation and deep gratitude. Something from the core which I have discovered and have been opening up over the last year.
After going through the Desire Map Experience, I discovered LOVE to be one of my core desired feelings (all 5 CDFs: LOVE, ALIVE, SHINING, EASY, WHOLE). First I though that the right feeling would be IN LOVE, because when I get to experience the “in love” feeling, it simultaneously inspires and motivates me, it does both pull me and push me to go full in, to do more, to be a better person and strive to act for the greater causes and engage in bigger challenges.
But then, Danielle stressed the aspect of small details on the example of LOVED vs. LOVING vs. LOVE: the first feels a bit contracted and dependent on the actions and words of others, the second keeps being tied into active expressions, while LOVE is an actual feeling that is expansive and free, and no strings attached. I tried exploring those myself, and I saw that these attached strings (see previous paragraph) of IN LOVE are not what I really wanted to feel. I really just want to feel LOVE. That appreciation and gratitude for the people, the things, the events that come to my life, as well as the activities that I get to be involved in and experiences that I encounter on my path.
Since the start of Live Your Legend LOCAL and me becoming a leader of the groups in Bremen and Hamburg, this realization that I now have a few more people that I could care about made me expand and grow inside. This is all about LOVE. To these people, to their dreams and aspirations, to their unique life stories and their unique ways of going after what they want to go after. About understanding their unique contexts and helping them to overcome their unique limitations. LOVE embraces it all.
However, I see that in Live Your Legend LOCAL I care and support people in WHAT THEY DO, in Desire Map Book Club I care and support people in HOW THEY FEEL, but what about the essence? Knowing what my friends are going after, how they feel on their paths and if there is something I could help them with seems to be the core part of my connections with them. But what has been troubling me is whether I truly care about WHO THEY ARE. I don’t know the answer, and I don’t know if it is possible to care about others in this area. After all, this is what our UNIQUE LIFE is all about. I am who I am, thus I am living this life of mine. They are who they are, and thus they have their own lives. I am not sure if it even reasonable to try to CARE about who they are.
However, what I clearly understood over the past month is that I LOVE my friends exactly for WHO THEY ARE and not for what they do or how they feel. As I mentioned at the beginning, LOVE for me now is in the realm of the spirit, of the deepest self and not only of the heart (though it might be embracing both, if not all four dimensions of body-mind-heart-spirit model), and this is what my LOVE wants to be like: appreciating the essence of others. Because it is their essence that lies in the foundation and defines what they want to achieve and how they would like to go after it, as well as how they would feel on their path. And the latter does not have to always be good. I believe that the life wants us to learn many lessons, and for some of us the only way to really learn these lessons is to try many “wrong” things, to fail multiple times, and to feel “bad” about it (these words in quotes are just labels, after all). Only through the “negative” experiences some of us can really embody their deepest desires and learn to follow their own true ways of going after those things.
I also think that my LOVE for the essence of people is connected to my belief that we cannot force anyone to change unless they want to (or ready to accept the change as a necessity). Focusing the love on the actions or feelings of others would be pushing me into trying to “help” them to follow the most effective ways that I could see for them, or to strive for the feelings I thought would be better for them to feel. But their paths are unique. Again, they might need to do the things they do “wrong” and to feel “bad” to get to really get to where they want to be.
For me, the life is all about love. LOVE for the essence of others helps me to CARE about their feelings and actions. That enables me to go into the next phase: resonance. It is when I resonate with the essence of others, with their core values, with their thoughts and beliefs and their ways of going after things, only then I can be full-in there for them, to give everything I have to give and to support them as much as I can.
But it all starts with LOVE and acceptance of anything they have to offer, of anything they value, of any belief they hold at this moment, and any way they are currently following towards their dreams, desires and aspirations.
What is the life about for YOU? Please share with us in the comments.