Many people are curious, what this Desire Map Book Club is all about. After we’ve had the second session in Bremen last Saturday, I decided to share the questions and my reflections on them here. This is what we do: we read the book, we open a session with a video message from Danielle, and then we discuss the questions. Simple but powerful. And we also have some homework for the week in between the meetings! And we share anything related to our activity there with the hashtags #DesireMap #BookClub #Bremen :) So, session 2:
1) What is your version of having it all?
Feeling alive and shining. Doing things that contribute to the lives of other people and feeling that I am helping them to feel more alive and shining, too. Freely expressing myself through my music, photography, writing, speaking, coaching, organizing activities for others – and feeling that it brings value to them, that others care about me and appreciate / are grateful for what I do. Feeling like I make the world a better place for us all. Feeling joy in the process, even when going is challenging.
2a) Do you find yourself criticizing what you know in your heart that you want? What are you telling yourself that you can’t have, shouldn’t have, don’t have the right to have?
Yes, I do.
I want to stop working on the PhD, I wish I had never started… And I am telling myself that I have no other options right now, I have no money, I have lost the home I could return to & feel safe and secure there. I am telling myself that I am discovering myself and I am developing the skills needed to live the life I want to live, and the PhD supports my dreams financially and protects me from various threats and struggles of completely independent life and work.
I want to perform, to play the music. And I am telling myself that solo does not sound good enough (“rich” enough), and that I don’t have the mastery yet ( = I am not playing good enough), and that I don’t have any “fixed” melodies that I could rehearse over and over again to play really well ( = I am not prepared enough)…
I want to give inspiring speeches and I want to coach people. But I am telling myself that I don’t really have anything to say, and that I don’t have required skills and I have failed in most cases so far.
2b) Are you pursuing things that you think you want but maybe you don’t really want?
After going through the complete Desire Map Experience, the intentions I have for the year are aligned with my core desired feelings and are true, feel right, represent what I really want.
However, I see that my pursuit of the intention to develop “world-class” relationships with my friends and people who I respect and admire – this pursuit has gotten a bit off track. I want to know what all these people are up to – what their dreams, goals, aspirations and intentions are, how they are going for their desires, what successes and struggles they have on their way, what keeps them inspired and excited. But I am trying to accomplish it through following them, to extract the information I desire to know from their blog posts, tweets, products as well as things they find interesting enough to share with others via Facebook or Twitter. And I don’t really want to read EVERYTHING they share, to know ALL the details of what they do (after all, this is their life, and I have mine to live)… I simply want to know that they feel good – inspired, on purpose, that they enjoy what they do and if there is anything I could help them with.
3) What can you do today to alter your relationship to the goals you already have?
Do I need to alter anything? Well, maybe relax and let go of all the attachments I have to the results, to whether or not I will be able to reach the end targets… In the section “Introducing Desire” of The Desire Map (the one that we were asked to read for this session), Danielle includes a refrain about it from a prayer from St. John of the Cross:
To reach satisfaction in all
desire its possession in nothing.
To come to the knowledge of all
desire the knowledge of nothing.
To come to possess all
desire the possession of nothing.
To arrive at being all
desire to be nothing.
— St. John of the Cross
At the same time, stop wanting to make everything perfectly – which in many cases paralyzes me and prevents me from starting / acting on something I REALLY desire to do, like writing a book or composing melodies for my album, offering my art for sale online, searching for band members and opportunities to perform.
Remember, wherever you are from in the world, there is a high chance that there is a Desire Map Book Club near you. Check the leaders list to find one.
Now tell us in the comments, how do YOU feel about what you are going after?